Remembering What You Want To
by JustBeFree
Summary: This is Kozik talking to Jax about running into Tara...Follow-up to Remembering What you want to Forget...


_**I thought Jax side to the story would be easier for me to write, It was harder. I don't know why I thought it would be way easier, to be honest but I think I relate to Tara more.**_

Jax sat at the rooftop of Teller- Morrow looking down at the club, it had always been his safe haven, here on the roof. He sat there more time than he would like to admit to, thinking about the one thing he didn't want to, Tara. He had tried to forget to move on but it didn't work. He had fucked so many croweater, he didn't know their names, he didn't want to, he simply called them darlin'. They thought it was some kind of pet name that they meant something but the truth couldn't be more different. Every time he was fucking one all he could imagine was the croweater being Tara, her face haunted him. Everywhere he went in Charming held a memory of them, the clubhouse, his room, Floyds, the high school even the cell in the god damn police station. He couldn't get away from it, the truth was he didn't want to, he wanted her back. If that made him selfish, he would take the title gladly, he had let her go, not that he wanted to. He knew he had to, that Tara needed to find herself, to make her own stamp on the world not just be an old lady, even if it was his. His thoughts were broken by two bikes pulling up, they were some other chapter, probably stopping in for some help. He thought it was best he went to greet them, V.P. and all that.

"Hey brother" Happy said pulling Jax into a hug. "Thought we would drop by, hang with the mother club before we head back to Tacoma."

"Nice to see you brother, anytime, things are mysteriously quiet around here" Jax shrugged walking into the club house with them both.

"I'm Kozik" He said introducing himself. "I know who you are, Jax Teller"

"You were here before weren't you? Come on lets get a beer and some smoke" Jax said patting him on the back.

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Jax ate his words after he said things were quiet around here of course it got well, bloody. What other way would it get in SAMCRO, it had always been this way. Now after a long day all Jax wanted to do was get drunk, high and fuck some croweater, a regular night. He sat down beside Kozik, he thought trying to remember his name.

"So what bring you and Happy this way?" Jax asked.

"We have been Nomad for a while, met up after I left Chicago, heading back to Tacoma again" Kozik answered.

"Nomad? Why?"

"Trying to find myself away from the club, you know see could I survive life without being a member"

Jax took a sip from his beer, what is it with people trying to find themselves, last person who fed him that line was, Tara. Great she was the last thing he wanted to think about tonight but now she was in his head. Usually after a rough, bloody, gun running day, he would forget her until he lay in bed left to his own thoughts. He thought maybe that's why he brought a croweater back when he wasn't too fucked or too caught up in his own thoughts. Just before he could say something, some croweater fell into his lap and whatever he was about to say got knocked straight out of his head.

"Hey baby, I'm Wendy"

"Hey Darlin'" Jax didn't want to know their names, it somehow became more personal with names, he didn't want that. It wasn't long until he was bringing her to his room.

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He walked through the clubhouse the next morning, there were some of the boys asleep around but it surprised him to see Kozik up cleaning around helping Gemma.

"So Kozik, how was Chicago?" Jax asked because he didn't know anything about his fellow brother.

"Interesting, ran into someone from here actually." Kozik said taking a sip from his coffee.

"Really? I don't know anyone from here in Chicago" Jax said taking a bite from his breakfast.

"I was talking to her, really nice girl, until I made out with her and discovered she was sporting a crow" Kozik said trying to get Jax to realise who he was taking about.

"You made out with an old lady?" Jax said.

"She said she wasn't his old lady anymore, she left seven years ago" Come on Jax don't make me say it.

"T...Tara...you're talking about Tara, my old lady?" Jax said not knowing to hit Kozik or to ask him about Tara.

"Look I didn't know Bro, she didn't say we just kissed, I saw the tattoo and freaked asked was she trying to get me killed"

Jax couldn't even think, she was in Chicago not San Diageo, she was going to fuck him. He could feel his blood boiling, she was his, not anybody elses. It gave him a strange sense of relief that she hadn't gotten rid of the crow, did she still feel she was his? God he hoped so, hoped she would come back to him.

"God what is it with you two and going off to your own world"

"How is she?"

"Good" Kozik shrugged. "She asked about you, actually she was able to tell me what you were doing before I could tell her. She still loves you, she misses here, misses the club"

"Tara, my Tara said that?" Jax scoffed. That didn't sound like her, she had runaway to San Diageo away from him and the club. Now here she was telling Kozik that she wanted to be back in Charming, back with him.

"She did, it took a while to get it out of her, she very defensive your old lady. She still loves you, you know? Doesn't blame you for anything, only herself, she knows she could have done things better. She said she didn't want to make you choose, that you belonged here" Kozik felt like a mediator but he could even tell these two were made for each other.

"She should have let me choose, it wasn't her choice to make. I might have said yes, you know, I could have went with her"

"You know Jax, you're a terrible liar, she knew as well as you do, that she wouldn't make you choose, like you didn't make her choose." Kozik knew these two were as pig headed as each other.

"So she's in Chicago now, last I heard she was in San Diageo" Jax said trying to get away from the deep emotional shit, he didn't want to talk about.

"Yeah, she's doing her residency there. She doesn't like it much you know, I could tell. She hated the bar we were in, so swanky place decided we would go to some Irish bar, more her scene. She still likes the simple life Bro, the Mc life even got a ride on my bike. She told me she missed being on a bike so I gave her a ride home."

Jax couldn't help but smile, she loved being on his bike, he hated that she had been on Kozik bike and not his. He couldn't help but feel jealous, that she was sharing something with Kozik that was theirs.

"Why doesn't she come back, if she misses it all so much?"

"She's scared, scared she won't be accepted, that you have moved on. She thought this wasn't her place anymore, that Charming has moved on, so should she"

"You didn't get that all out of Tara in one conversation?" Jax was starting to realise that Tara wouldn't be that open with a total stranger.

"No...No it wasn't just one conversation, we've become friends. We exchanged numbers in Chicago a year ago, we talk about twice a month sometimes more, sometimes less. I think it's her way of keeping a part of the MC life with her"

Jax sat in a silence for a while taking in everything the Kozik had just said to him, that shit was crazy. He was friends with Tara, his Tara, the one who took his heart with her when she left Charming.

"Look here's her number, call her, I know she would be glad to hear from you. If you don't want to talk to her, here is mine, if you, you know want to talk. I got to find Happy we have to head back for Church" He scribbled down the two numbers handing the piece of paper to Jax.

"Goodbye Prince, be seeing you Bro"

"Thank you Kozik" It was too late he was already gone outside. He looked at the numbers, pushing the piece of paper into his pocket before getting, taking a breath and walking outside. He had things to take care of, this would have to wait but at least he knew she was safe. It made him feel lighter knowing he knew someone that was watching over her, even if it was Kozik. Kozik gave him on last smile before starting up his bike with Happy and driving away.

_**I don't think this was as good as Kozik and Tara talking...I didn't quiet know how to end this one shot. I have two multi- story fics in mind for SOA both Tara and Jax. I haven't started working on either but I will over the next few days...If you have any ideas you want to see written or even helped with just PM or Drop it in a review... MeMii x **_


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